The first time I read this list, I was literally teary eyed while trying to stop myself from laughing out loud during our Information Technology 101 class....
This is an old joke list I unearthed while going through my Xanga blog archives. It had me in stitches once again, much like the first time I read it, so I figured, it needs to be reposted! :p I modified it a bit too, to update it for 2009. :p
How to misuse Figures of Speech
- Company manager mulling over his next strategic move: "Argh! This is a no-win-win situation!"
- Man to his new wife: "Don't worry honey, we'll just burn the bridge when we get there."
- Lawyer to the jury: "Ladies and gentlemen, this contract is anulled and void!"
- Same lawyer above, on a different case: "Your honor, this exercise is mute and academic..."
- Man to his friend, "Don't worry too much about it, if worse comes to shove, just leave it!"
- Girl to boyfriend: "Ohh? Are you joking my leg?"
- Exclamation: "Oh my God! It's a blessing in the sky."
- Randy: "Dawg, you're barking at the wrong dog."
- Simon: "You want to have your cake and bake it too... well it ain't happenin'."
- "Now and there..."
- "I'm only human nature...sob!"
- "The sky's the langit." (For non Filipinos, "langit" means... well... "sky".)
- When boss asked how project is progressing, employee answers: "Sir, so far, so good...so far." Boss respond: "Well, hurry up! Time is of the elements."
- Describing a shooting star: "Then it was gone in the wink of an eye!"
- "The feeling is actual."
- "For all intense and purposes."
- Explaining: "It's a base-to-base casis..."
- "Can't you just cut me some slacks?!"
Pinoys' Mga Sablay na Hirit
- Gangster walks in to find his wife with another man and says, "Well well well, look do we have here!"
- Pinoy mom to son's friends: "C'mon, anak, invite your friends, oy c'mon let's join us!"
- Security guard to driver: "Sir, please open the back - I need to inspect your trunks."
- "Are you sure ka na ba?"
- Religious woman: "Oh my God! My answers have been prayered."
- An emotional wife to her husband: "Please! me! alone!!!"
- To car owner after periodic maintenance: "Ayan na ser, It's as brand as new!"
- "Sorry I'm late, I ran into some errands."
- In a bar: "Hi. I'm Charlie, what's yours?"
- Boss to subordinate: "It's not my problem anymore! It's YOUR problem anymore!"
- Friends talking at a funeral: "Grabe, you can never can tell, no?"
- Man 1: "Pare let's go to Cagayan de Oro and go white water rafting!" Man2: "Ha! Been there, been that, pare."
- Exasperated, "You know what? Just forget it about it..."
- Boy to friends: "Yeah! We went for it right there and right then!"
- "Hoy Pedro! Where'd you came from? Ha?"
- Employee: "But there's just too many things on my table. I need an assistant!" Boss: "Why don't you just take things first at a time."
- "Listen everyone... first and for all..."
- Friend to woman crying over suspected cheating husband: "Don't be too quick to judge... just give him the benefit of the daw."
- "What is the world is coming to?"
- "What is the next that is?"
- At a bar: "So... what's a beautiful girl like you?"
- Bella to Jacob and Edward: "Aah stop fighting! I can't take it anymore of this!"
- Miley: "Get the most of both worlds!"
- "Bahala na sila sa mga batman nila."
- "That's what I'm talking about it."
- "One of these days is not like the other."
- "*Sigh* Whatever you say so."
Have a one-liner to add? Leave it in the comments section below!
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